C.P.G. § 1.3 — Conduct Most Petty in the First Degree
Universal Pettiness“A person is guilty of Conduct Most Petty when they engage in behavior which, while injuring no one, seriously annoys a person with standing to complain, and which serves no legitimate purpose beyond the perpetrator's own convenience, comfort, or amusement.”
Definitions
- “Legitimate purpose”.
- A purpose a reasonable person of ordinary pettiness would accept as outweighing the annoyance. Convenience, comfort, amusement, and 'content' are not legitimate purposes; they are the offense describing itself.
Elements (proof required: a preponderance of the evidence)
- Conduct occurred
- The conduct seriously annoyed the complainant
- The conduct served no legitimate purpose
Recognized defenses
- The Everyone Does It Defense — statistically compelling, legally worthless
- The It Was Funny Defense — admissible only if the jury laughs
Aggravating circumstances
- The conduct was repeated after a documented request to stop
Leading cases
- The Consolidated Annoyances (2024–2026) — Convenience, comfort, amusement, and 'content' are not legitimate purposes; they are the offense describing itself. Reaffirmed every single week.
Sentencing guideline: Formal apologies, small ceremonial restitutions, and the sincere promise to think about what one has done.
Sentences this court has been known to hand down
- a formal handwritten apology of no fewer than one hundred words, read aloud with eye contact
- one week of demonstratively considerate behavior, logged and witnessed
- the sincere promise to think about what they have done, enforced by a follow-up hearing
Commentary: Modeled, with admiration, on New York Penal Law § 240.26, which really does require conduct that 'seriously annoys' and serves 'no legitimate purpose'. Proof that real law was petty first. As the Code's catch-all, this section is charged only when no specific statute fits — the general yielding to the specific, as everywhere in law.