C.P.G. § 5.2 — Blanket Migration in the First Degree
Domestic Infraction“A person is guilty of Blanket Migration when, through nocturnal maneuvers, they cause shared bedding to migrate to their exclusive control on three or more nights per week, and deny it at dawn with implausible confidence.”
Elements (proof required: a preponderance of the evidence)
- The bedding was shared by agreement or tradition
- Migration to the accused's exclusive control occurred repeatedly
- Dawn denial followed
Recognized defenses
- The Unconscious Conduct Defense — sleep is not intent (the court finds this technically sound and emotionally unsatisfying)
Aggravating circumstances
- The offense season was winter
- The accused constructed a cocoon requiring excavation
Leading cases
- The Great Duvet Annexation (2024) — The Unconscious Conduct Defense holds for the migration but not for the dawn denial, which is made while awake and therefore under oath of common sense.
Sentencing guideline: Blanket partition orders, duvet duplication mandates, and a nightly recitation of 'I will not hog the blanket'.
Sentences this court has been known to hand down
- procurement of a second duvet within seven days — no shared-blanket appeals will be heard
- a nightly recitation of 'I will not hog the blanket', witnessed and logged
- installation of a court-approved blanket partition, subject to weekly inspection
Commentary: The Unconscious Conduct Defense is real law: voluntary action is a prerequisite of criminal liability everywhere. The Scandinavian two-duvet system is also real, and this court regards it as the single greatest peace treaty in domestic history.