C.P.G. § 5.3 — Occasion Amnesia
Matter of the Heart“A person is guilty of Occasion Amnesia when they forget a birthday, anniversary, or other occasion of established significance to a person of established significance, and compound the forgetting with (a) a same-day petrol-station remedy, (b) the claim that they were 'testing' the other party, or (c) the words 'you know I'm bad with dates'.”
Definitions
- “Knowable”.
- Recorded in any calendar to which the accused has access, including the one in their pocket that reminds them about everything else.
Elements (proof required: a preponderance of the evidence)
- An occasion of established significance existed and was known or knowable to the accused
- The accused forgot it
- The forgetting was compounded by a disqualifying remedy or excuse
Recognized defenses
- The Celebrated-Early Defense — the occasion was observed in advance, by mutual and provable agreement
Aggravating circumstances
- The accused was reminded by a shopping app and still forgot
- The occasion was round-numbered
Mitigating circumstances
- A genuine, documented crisis occupying the date in question
Sentencing guideline: Make-up occasions of the wounded party's design, calendar mandates, and reminder audits.
Sentences this court has been known to hand down
- a full make-up occasion within thirty (30) days, planned solely by the guilty party, no outsourcing to the wounded party's best friend
- court-supervised calendar entry of the next five occasions, with two alarms each
- surrender of the phrase 'you know I'm bad with dates' in perpetuity