C.P.G. § 6.2 — Group Chat Treachery
Digital Misdemeanor“A person is guilty of Group Chat Treachery when they (a) export screenshots of a group chat to persons outside it, (b) maintain a side chat whose principal topic is a member of the main chat, or (c) exit a group chat dramatically to force a reaction, then request re-admission.”
Definitions
- “Side chat”.
- Any smaller chat whose membership is a strict subset of the main chat and whose purpose the main chat must never learn.
- “Dramatic exit”.
- Departure preceded by a statement and followed by monitoring.
Elements (proof required: clear and convincing evidence)
- A group chat existed with a reasonable expectation of confidence
- The accused leaked, side-chatted, or performed a dramatic exit
- A member was aggrieved by the treachery
Recognized defenses
- The Safety Valve Defense — the side chat existed solely to plan a surprise for the main chat, provable by the surprise
Aggravating circumstances
- The leaked screenshots were cropped to change their meaning
- The side chat's name mocked the main chat
Sentencing guideline: Confidence restoration, screenshot embargoes, and supervised re-admission.
Sentences this court has been known to hand down
- a total screenshot embargo for ninety (90) days, enforceable by the chat's elders
- formal disclosure of the side chat's existence and purpose to the main chat, questions allowed
- re-admission to the chat on probationary status: no reactions, no memes, for two weeks
Commentary: The expectation of confidence in a group chat is the modern descendant of the confessional, the barbershop, and the village well. Betrayal of any of the three has always ended in a trial of some kind.