C.P.G. § 6.1 — Left on Read in the First Degree
Digital Misdemeanor“A person is guilty of Left on Read when, having read a message requiring response — a direct question, an invitation, or anything containing a question mark — they render no reply within a reasonable period while demonstrably active elsewhere: posting, reacting, or maintaining streaks.”
Definitions
- “Reasonable period”.
- Twenty-four hours for logistics; four hours between close friends; eleven minutes if the parties are dating and the message contained feelings.
Elements (proof required: a preponderance of the evidence)
- A message requiring response was delivered and read (receipts or 'seen' markers suffice)
- No response came within a reasonable period
- During that period the accused was demonstrably active on any platform
Recognized defenses
- The Mental Reply Defense — the accused composed a reply in their head and genuinely believed it sent (the court weeps, and accepts it once per lifetime)
- The Phone Died Defense — admissible only with corroborating battery records
Degrees
- First degree: The unanswered message contained a direct question AND the accused posted publicly during the silence.
- Second degree: Simple read-without-reply beyond the reasonable period.
Aggravating circumstances
- The accused replied to a LATER message in the same thread, vaulting the question
- The eventual reply, when it came, was 'lol'
Mitigating circumstances
- A drafted-but-unsent reply, produced in court with its timestamp
Leading cases
- Sender v. The Story Poster (2026) — Posting publicly while a direct question sits on read is first-degree as a matter of law; the phone was demonstrably in hand.
- In re 'lol' (2025) — 'lol', arriving forty hours late, is not a response. It is a receipt for the offense.
Sentencing guideline: Response-time probation, read-receipt transparency, and question-mark triage duty.
Sentences this court has been known to hand down
- response-time probation: all direct questions answered within four (4) hours for thirty days
- read receipts left ON for sixty (60) days, no exceptions, no excuses
- a formal reply to the original message, however stale, beginning with an apology