C.P.G. § 7.3 — Occasion Hijacking
Temporal Misdemeanor“A person is guilty of Occasion Hijacking when, at an occasion that is by custom another person's day, they announce an engagement, a pregnancy, a new job, or comparable news of their own, thereby converting the occasion's attention to themselves; or when they otherwise upstage the occasion's rightful owner by spectacle.”
Definitions
- “Attention conversion”.
- The moment the room's phones pivot. Photographic evidence of the pivot is dispositive.
Elements (proof required: clear and convincing evidence)
- An occasion existed whose attention belonged, by custom, to another
- The accused made an announcement or spectacle of their own
- The occasion's attention measurably converted to the accused
Recognized defenses
- The Blessing Defense — the occasion's owner genuinely pre-approved the announcement, in writing, while sober
Aggravating circumstances
- The hijacking was pre-planned, as shown by prepared remarks or a ring in a pocket
- The accused claims to this day that it 'made the night more special'
Sentencing guideline: Formal restoration of the stolen spotlight, hosting restitution, and announcement embargoes.
Sentences this court has been known to hand down
- funding and organizing a full replacement occasion for the wronged party, at which the guilty party may announce nothing
- a twelve-month announcement embargo at all gatherings the guilty party did not personally host
- a formal toast at the next family gathering acknowledging whose day it actually was