C.P.G. § 7.1 — Chronic Lateness
Temporal Misdemeanor“A person is guilty of Chronic Lateness when they arrive materially late to three or more appointments with the same aggrieved party, having on each occasion transmitted 'omw' from a location inconsistent with 'omw', including their own shower.”
Definitions
- “Materially late”.
- Fifteen minutes without notice, or any lateness that outlasts the reservation, the trailers, or the complainant's patience, whichever expires first.
- “'Omw'”.
- A representation of present motion toward the meeting point. Sent from the shower, it is fraud.
Elements (proof required: a preponderance of the evidence)
- Three or more appointments with the complainant existed
- The accused arrived materially late to each
- At least one 'on my way' was sent while not on the way
Recognized defenses
- The Buffer Defense — the complainant, knowing the accused, stated a falsely early time; the accused was on time for the REAL time
Aggravating circumstances
- The accused arrived late bearing a beverage acquired en route
- The lateness consumed a booking made in the complainant's name
Mitigating circumstances
- Genuine transit catastrophe, documented and not self-inflicted
Sentencing guideline: Punctuality probation, buffer surcharges, and beverage restitution.
Sentences this court has been known to hand down
- punctuality probation: arrival fifteen minutes EARLY to the next five engagements, verified by timestamped photo
- a standing beverage debt: the guilty party buys, forever, until trust is restored
- surrender of 'omw' privileges: only precise ETAs with location sharing for ninety (90) days