C.P.G. § 2.5 — Appliance Malpractice
Petty Infraction“A person is guilty of Appliance Malpractice when they operate a shared household appliance in a manner offensive to its purpose, including running a dishwasher one-quarter full, leaving completed laundry to ferment in the machine, loading the dishwasher in open defiance of physics, or leaving thirty seconds on the microwave clock for the next of kin.”
Definitions
- “Fermentation”.
- The state of washed laundry left in the drum beyond four (4) hours, requiring a re-wash and an apology to the clothes.
Elements (proof required: a preponderance of the evidence)
- The appliance was shared
- The accused operated, or conspicuously failed to operate, it
- The operation or omission was offensive to the appliance's purpose or to the next user
Recognized defenses
- The System Defense — the loading pattern follows a private system, which the accused can demonstrate under oath
Aggravating circumstances
- The lint trap was left full
- A single spoon was granted a full cycle
Sentencing guideline: Supervised appliance duty, re-loading demonstrations, and lint-trap probation.
Sentences this court has been known to hand down
- two weeks of supervised dishwasher loading, narrated aloud
- laundry duty for the household until fermentation ceases householdwide
- clearing the microwave clock after every use for ninety (90) days