SILLY COURTCourt of Petty Grievances

Official Publication — Annotated Edition

Colonization of Common Areas

C.P.G. § 2.6 · Chapter 2 — Offenses Against the Household · Domestic Violation

C.P.G. § 2.6Colonization of Common Areas

Domestic Violation

A person is guilty of Colonization when their personal effects establish permanent settlements upon shared territory — the couch, the dining table, the hallway, the one good chair — such that other household members must negotiate passage through what is legally their own home.

Definitions
Settlement”.
Any personal item remaining in a common area past forty-eight (48) hours, presumed permanent unless actively in use.
Elements (proof required: a preponderance of the evidence)
  1. The area was common to the household
  2. The accused's effects occupied it continuously or repeatedly
  3. Other members' use of the area was materially impaired
Recognized defenses
  • The Staging Defense — the items were staged for imminent departure and truly would have left
Aggravating circumstances
  • The settlement included footwear in doorways
  • Items removed by others were re-established within a day (the Reconquest)
Mitigating circumstances
  • An ongoing move, renovation, or craft project with a declared end date
Sentencing guideline: Repatriation of effects, storage quotas, and loss of the one good chair.
Sentences this court has been known to hand down
  • repatriation of all personal effects to the guilty party's room within 24 hours, verified by walkthrough
  • a standing two-item maximum in common areas for sixty (60) days
  • forfeiture of the one good chair for one month
📨 Someone violated this section? Serve them

The first case is always free. The verdict is always meaningless.

Other offenses in Chapter 2 — Offenses Against the Household

The Code of Petty Grievances is a work of comedy. It is not legal advice, it is not law, and citing it in an actual courtroom will end poorly and hilariously, in that order.