SILLY COURTCourt of Petty Grievances

Official Publication — Annotated Edition

Gift & Occasion Fraud

C.P.G. § 4.7 · Chapter 4 — Offenses Against Property, Money & Entertainment · Petty Infraction

C.P.G. § 4.7Gift & Occasion Fraud

Petty Infraction

A person is guilty of Gift & Occasion Fraud when they (a) regift within the original giver's plausible orbit, (b) sign a joint gift card without contributing to the joint gift, or (c) present as thoughtful a gift purchased at a petrol station en route.

Definitions
Plausible orbit”.
Any social distance across which the original giver could conceivably attend the same party as the gift.
The card-signing freeload”.
Affixing one's name to generosity one did not fund.
Elements (proof required: a preponderance of the evidence)
  1. A gift or gift occasion existed
  2. The accused regifted within orbit, freeloaded on a joint gift, or materially misrepresented a gift's provenance
  3. Discovery caused aggrievement
Recognized defenses
  • The Genuine Fit Defense — the regift truly suited the recipient better, provable by the recipient's unprompted delight
Aggravating circumstances
  • The regifted item still contained the original gift tag
  • The freeloader's name appeared FIRST on the card
Sentencing guideline: Gift restitution, card-signing bans, and provenance disclosure requirements.
Sentences this court has been known to hand down
  • procurement of a genuine, personally chosen gift within fourteen (14) days, receipt filed with the court
  • a one-year ban on signing joint cards without documented contribution
  • full provenance disclosure on all gifts for the next two occasions
📨 Someone violated this section? Serve them

The first case is always free. The verdict is always meaningless.

Other offenses in Chapter 4 — Offenses Against Property, Money & Entertainment

The Code of Petty Grievances is a work of comedy. It is not legal advice, it is not law, and citing it in an actual courtroom will end poorly and hilariously, in that order.