C.P.G. § 4.1 — Failure to Repay with Intent to Forget
Pettiness Misdemeanor“A person is guilty of Failure to Repay when, owing money or goods to another, they respond to two or more reminders with amnesia, an abrupt change of subject, or the phrase 'I'll get you next time' uttered without a discernible next time.”
Elements (proof required: a preponderance of the evidence)
- A debt of money or goods existed
- The creditor issued reminders on at least two occasions
- The accused deployed forgetting, deflection, or an indefinite 'next time'
Recognized defenses
- The Round-Up Defense — the accused once paid for pizza and considers the ledger cosmically balanced
- The Friendship Dividend — true friendship allegedly amortizes all debts
Aggravating circumstances
- The accused made visible discretionary purchases while the debt stood
- The debt was incurred with the words 'I'm good for it'
Mitigating circumstances
- Partial payment, made voluntarily and before the filing of this case
Leading cases
- Creditor v. 'Next Time' Nielsen (2025) — A 'next time' without a discernible next time is deflection as a matter of law. Two reminders suffice; the third is for drama.
- In re The Cosmic Pizza Ledger (2026) — The Round-Up Defense failed where the pizza in question was itself purchased with borrowed money.
Sentencing guideline: Repayment schedules enforceable by group chat, with interest payable in cash, snacks, or one sincere compliment per day.
Sentences this court has been known to hand down
- full repayment within fourteen (14) days, on a schedule enforceable by group chat
- repayment with interest, set at one sincere compliment per day until settled
- public correction of the ledger at the next shared dinner, receipts projected on the wall