C.P.G. § 4.2 — Vehicular Pettiness
Pettiness Misdemeanor“A person is guilty of Vehicular Pettiness when they take, operate, or exercise control over the vehicle or parking arrangements of another beyond the agreed scope or duration, knowing that consent has lapsed, including the act of referring to a borrowed vehicle as 'our car'.”
Elements (proof required: beyond a reasonable doubt)
- The vehicle or parking space belonged to another
- Consent, if ever granted, had lapsed or was exceeded
- The accused continued to take, operate, or control it anyway
Recognized defenses
- The Better Driver Defense — the vehicle allegedly 'runs better' when the accused drives it
- The Five Minutes Defense — the parking was to be brief, in geological terms
Aggravating circumstances
- The seat, mirrors, or radio presets were changed and not restored
- The fuel level was returned lower than received
- A new, unexplained scratch appeared during the accused's custody
Sentencing guideline: Immediate return, a full tank, professional detailing, and surrender of the phrase 'our car'.
Sentences this court has been known to hand down
- immediate return of the vehicle with a full tank, professional detailing, and permanent surrender of the phrase 'our car'
- ninety days of on-demand chauffeur duty for the rightful owner
- forfeiture of the good parking spot for an entire season
Commentary: See New York Penal Law § 165.05 — unauthorized use of a vehicle, a real Class A misdemeanor covering exactly this, including use 'in a manner constituting a gross deviation from the agreed purpose'. Seat covers are a gross deviation.